Fear not. I’m not about to segué into hiphop. The ICEs in question are Deutsche Bahn’s intercity trains, which I’ve sampled extensively on a business trip to Prague this weekend. Typically, it was the British rail network that let the side down.

After an on-time departure from St Pancras International, the Eurostar whizzed purposefully through foggy Kent… until dithering about after the pick-up at Ashford. 186mph became 1.86mph, and we eventually ground to a halt entirely. The guard apologised for the delay, anticipating a 20 minute fester ‘due to signalling problems’. That came and went, as did the subsequent ’15 minutes’. Over an hour elapsed before the train eventually passed sous la Manche, though the irritation was tempered by the offer of a free Eurostar ticket by way of compensation.

Armed with my brand new European Timetable, I’d factored in plenty of time for lunch and a quick stroll around Brussels before boarding the 1425 ICE to Köln.

  Yes. That’s the driver. There is a panoramic viewing area at each end of the train, where one can observe the line ahead. Very civilised.

I changed trains at Köln, on to an older IC train along the western bank of the Rhine. This afforded some very pleasant views as dusk fell.

After a final ICE leg from Mainz to Frankfurt, it was time for dinner and bed.

The ICE action resumed on Sunday morning with a high-speed burst to Regensburg (no, I’d not heard of it either). I left my prime viewing position during the journey in order to sample Deutsche Bahn’s breakfast offering.

Not bad at all.

Regensburg seemed to be a pleasant mid-sized German town but, with only an hour to pass, my explorations were not thorough. The sound of the church bells ringing and the warmth of the spring sunshine as I ambled around the park was suitably evocative though.

The final leg of the journey was via Plzeň to Prague on Vogtlandbahn. This sounded like a railway devised by ill-humoured extra-terrestrials in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Vogons being ‘bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous’). In the event, the guard – although demanding ID as well as ticket – was perfectly pleasant… ‘have a nice day’.

And I did. An on-time arrival gave a couple of hours for sightseeing in the Czech capital before the conference began with dinner.